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Wolf at the Door

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Well, folks, I do believe I have moved on from the sadness, and (after a generous amount of reassurance from the ones I hold most dear) all that I'm left with is a little intensely targeted anger and frustration.  I have worked things out with my God, and He has told that vengeance is His.  So, I'm going to do my best to keep my mouth shut and keep my hands to myself, because all of my aggression and self justification never got me anywhere good. "Oh, it’s so hard, the eternal struggle between heart and mind." -Anne Frank; Friday, April 28, 1944 In all actuality, I have already experienced some really good things in the midst of another traumatic experience...and I quit fighting early enough this time to avoid much of a delay in the blessing.  I don't know why I have so much difficulty with biting the hand that feeds me sometimes.  ???  I think it's a trauma response.  I always relate myself to a wounded, feral animal in these situations.  (And don't ...
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*Product Contains No Sugar Additives or Substitutes

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I’m pretty terrible, thanks for asking.  So, don’t let's waste ANY time. Stress picking...I'm a danger to myself these days. I got so dysregulated this week, I didn’t know what to do.  I’m still not really sure.  I failed in things I hold most dear, and I’m feeling REALLY stuck.  Stuck and lost.  Lost and trapped.  Trapped and suffocated.  Suffocated and terrified.  I wrote a poem about it for you.  It’s my first… Here, take my breath So you can breathe We’ll share the air  Just you and me Just you and…me Just you…and I am defeated, depleted, devastated and distressed.  My self doubt and self hatred are elevated, and I am fighting so hard, you guys!  I know I’m not alone, because look the blazes around you!!  But at the same time I am absolutely, TOTALLY, no question, without a doubt, DEFINITELY alone.   Because look around me!!  You all can come and you all can go, as much as you like, and there are enough of yo...
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You May Now Feed the Bear

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SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!! Winter is NOT my vibe…neither is this constant barrage. In this week's review, I am jittery, anxious, overstimulated, waking up at 1 a.m., teetering on the brink, jacked up, heightened, elevated, and I can't even find a shallow breath to breathe. (The latter ACTUALLY happened.  Have we talked about my propensity for choking on liquids?) Never fear, as always... I think I'll be alright.   Stolen...no credit.  What has happened to me??? I've just had the wind knocked out of me, for a time.  I'm going to get it back. And now, in case you can identify, YOU know you're not alone!  (That's kind of happy, right?!) Being brave doesn’t mean you don’t feel afraid.  It means you just keep going anyway.  It’s like integrity is doing the right thing no matter who is looking and how you feel.  As it turns out, I am offered a LOT of opportunities, like... When I heard a ruckus outside the bathroom window, and it sounded like a major ...
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This Aggression Will NOT Stand

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I like to consider myself a nice person, but (and I realize some of you have probably known me since grade school and before, and I really DO feel like I need to apologize for a few things…but as far as I can see, my window of opportunity has passed.  So, if it’s you, and I haven’t gotten around to verbalizing my regrets, just know they are here in my heart…at the very bottom.) even I have to admit some mean tendencies. Like the absolute thrill I get from watching certain others make a fool of themselves.  (Sorry Matt, tickle tickle tickle!)  Or the instant aggressiveness I feel in response to aggressive males (not to mention my delusions of grandeur regarding my physical prowess).  Matt says it’s just that I’m competitive, not delusional…and don’t you think that’s sweet of him to pour all that sugar on me?  Awwww!  💕  In the name of love...He knows I do love sugar. But…to be real, I seriously mentally campaigned (and I don't know if that's the right ...
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Kristen Doesn't-Go-Lightly. Amen.

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Hi, it's me.  It's Kristen - the (wo) man, the myth the "enigma"???  I'll take that as a compliment and move on.   But can you PLEASE hold on a minute while I just "tap out".  It's a new thing.  I don't have time to explain.  (FFR, look up "jiu jitsu.")  I don't have time for much of anything, actually, right now; which is why... Wait, no.  Nevermind!! I DON'T tap out!! I take that back. I can't tap out.   Why???  Because I can NEVER TAP OUT, AS LONG AS I HAVE BREATH, and that is just who I am. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line circa February 15, 1978, I got the idea that (my equivalent of) tapping out is a sign of weakness and that weakness (and, subsequently, any sign of backing down) is my mortal enemy.   A seven nation ARMY couldn't hold me back... You could stand me up at the gates of...(not gonna push it that far)...I WON'T BACK DOWN.  (Like EVER.) I have a question.  Do you think tenacity is more of a na...
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Living in Kristen's Paradise

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Birds are my new bestie.  This guy danced with me, spoke to me...and as I was walking to the door, he actually told me "Bye."  💕💕💕 Well, guys...it's a keep the curtains closed kind of weekend.  So sad for such a sunny disposition as my own, don’t you think?  It's a beautiful weekend, and I would LOVE to enjoy it. I don't mean to be un-neighborly, I promise.  I guess I've just spent all the sunshine within me, and I'm going to need some SERIOUS SPACE to refill.  I'm sorry, Mr. Rogers.  I tried.  I just don't seem to have the capacity to be very neighborly today.  I’ll be back, when the day is… Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe I won’t be back at all!  Boo! In case you are jealous, the grass is definitely NOT greener over here in Kristenville today.  In case you already noticed, my grass is actually dying from my personal neglect, and I seem to have run out of spray paint.  I can’t even keep up a façade right now.  So...let's...
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There's No Place Like - Heading Home

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PSYCH!!  Just when we thought I was done...I found more pictures.   Can we go back and start over?  I mean, I would love to go back to the Grand Canyon for SOOOOO many reasons; but I would also like to start over with the whole trip-blog, because...I'm still finding pictures I missed.  One thing you should definitely know about me is that I don't always have my head on straight.  (Shocker, I know.) Unfiltered.  I promise.  It's just naturally beautiful.   At (most) times, you may find me completely disorganized, probably with my head in the clouds (or my nose in a book).  While my physical body may be present in the room...cognitively, I might very well be in a galaxy far, far away from my current reality.  (It's a fine line between fact and fiction.  Fortunately, I have (mostly) learned to tell the difference between the two.) Another thing you should know is that I love taking pictures of dead trees.  It's just a little quirk...
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