Spread Love


I tend to be drawn to the tough kids.  The ones who never participate and have total attitude problems.  I don't know what it is, except I have this overwhelming ability to see the beauty in everyone.  (I'm pretty sure I was the only one in the theater who came out of Star Wars: The Last Jedi feeling sorry for Kylo Ren.  But...did literally NO ONE else see the look in his eyes when Rey walked out?!!!)

I can't help but see beauty in people.  Even the least of us have beauty - strengths and gifts and vulnerability.  I am beautiful.  I have energy and love and empathy.  My heart is so full it could burst.  That is beautiful.

The best of us have ulginess, too.  Sometimes I am ugly.  Sometimes I make the wrong choice.  I do stupid things and make a total mess.

Today is a great example.  I was running barely on time for a school.  I got in my car and saw the gas gauge: 19 miles to empty.  I looked at my GPS: 10 miles away.  Arrival time: 7:53 a.m.  Awesome.  (Ok...I admit a bit of sarcasm.)

So, I tried to relax and stop the tension creeping down my neck.  Then, as I was approaching I-29, I thought...hmmmm...I don't remember taking I-29 to this school?...  Yep.  GPS had wigged out on me, and I had continued to follow her blindly.  (I know...we have a codependent relationship, but I happen to be directionally challenged.)

I was left trying to reconfigure the GPS settings - and get the right song going on my playlist, because...I mean...PRIORITIES! - while driving on the highway.  I glanced at my updated estimates:  5.2 miles to empty; 5 miles to school; 5 minutes late.  Lovely!  (And a few other choice words I'd rather my kids not know.)

When I finally arrived, I was so flustered I couldn't find the classroom.  I ended up walking in circles with some guy who claimed to be "helping" me.  I can't put my relief into words when we finally stumbled into my classroom teacher.  I apologized, threw my stuff down, and dove right into our lesson for the day: Communication - Giving and Receiving Directions (Oh the blasted irony!).

I cannot make this up...I walked right out of that lesson into Target, where I asked a sweet girl to help me find the ziplock bags.  Would you believe???...I completely disregarded her instructions. (In my defense, she DID have really cute hair! #distracted).  I had to stop and ask a second employee, who was kind enough to just walk me to the bags.  Wow!  I couldn't have written a better nonexample on listening.

I had these big plans to get about a million things done over my lunch break, but by the time it came, I was so frazzled I just rolled down my car windows, let the sun hit my skin and laughed when "Running to Stand Still" came on my play list.  I quit running.  I looked at the beauty in the ordinary around me.  I just stood still.

I was a lot calmer when I walked back into the school, and I asked for directions to my next classroom.  And I waited.  I listened.  I asked questions.  I restated the directions.  I knew exactly where I was going.

I walked into the classroom, and "that kid" was there.  Of course he was new, and we didn't have a connection.  He thought I was just another teacher, and he wasn't going to do ANYTHING I said.  I let it slide.  I don't always force things.  I just kept up my positive attitude, enthusiasm, smile, and eye contact. But...there came a time, when I just HAD to call him out.

"How is yours coming?"

"Fine."

"Hmmm..." I said, with a bit of ornery sarcasm, " 'Cause I'm thinking you should double check with everyone else, since yours is looking A LOT different to me."  Big, innocent, happy shrug.

Without looking at me, the kid said, all sarcasm and negative connotation, "Man!  Why you gotta be so extra?!"

I turned my head to him. I raised my eyebrows, caught his eyes and paused.  I shook my head, "Darn right I'm extra!"  I leaned back, and I spoke loudly and clearly into the air with all enthusiasm and sincerity, "I'm extra extra."

The kid, caught a little off guard, shook his head and laughed, "Aw...you just like your job."

"You got that right.  I love my job!" I smiled at him.

And we were friends.  And he ended up being the first one to participate and present.

I was reminded of the benefit of pressing through those tough moments in my life...of taking a deep breath and slowing down and taking time to appreciate the beauty around me...of opening my heart and choosing to be positive, responsible and forgiving (to myself and to others).  Because, deep down, I know there's a kid in there who needs these things...somewhere under that tough surface is a kid who just wants to be loved.  And I choose every day to be the adult who does.  Actually, every day I get to be the adult who does.  #blessed

Love, always!
Your little homie

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Living in Kristen's Paradise

Image
Birds are my new bestie.  This guy danced with me, spoke to me...and as I was walking to the door, he actually told me "Bye."  💕💕💕 Well, guys...it's a keep the curtains closed kind of weekend.  So sad for such a sunny disposition as my own, don’t you think?  It's a beautiful weekend, and I would LOVE to enjoy it. I don't mean to be un-neighborly, I promise.  I guess I've just spent all the sunshine within me, and I'm going to need some SERIOUS SPACE to refill.  I'm sorry, Mr. Rogers.  I tried.  I just don't seem to have the capacity to be very neighborly today.  I’ll be back, when the day is… Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe I won’t be back at all!  Boo! In case you are jealous, the grass is definitely NOT greener over here in Kristenville today.  In case you already noticed, my grass is actually dying from my personal neglect, and I seem to have run out of spray paint.  I can’t even keep up a façade right now.  So...let's...
Read more

Happily Ever Sunset, After All - Day 2, Colorado

Image
I did not expect the eye roll and "gross!" response I got the first time I told someone (my sister) that Matt dries my hair for me.  I want to say I do not KNOW how I got so lucky to have a husband who cares so much about helping me (...every...little...detail), but that's not entirely true.  I like to say it's been an acquired skill he has learned based on sheer desperation to keep me from not continually losing my $*@! 😬😂, but that's also not entirely true.  (Failed that one this weekend.  😢).  Let's leave it at I am grateful.  Self care (physical...I'm talking hygiene, people.) is a commonly known neglect in the neurodivergent world.  He's lucky I keep myself (mostly) clean.  I'm lucky he will dry my hair so I feel "pretty" sometimes (which is whenever I have time in between overbooking myself to ask for help). The original "Foxy Lady". We were early birds on our 2nd day in the mountains.  We took the time to enjoy the pea...
Read more

Kristen Doesn't-Go-Lightly. Amen.

Image
Hi, it's me.  It's Kristen - the (wo) man, the myth the "enigma"???  I'll take that as a compliment and move on.   But can you PLEASE hold on a minute while I just "tap out".  It's a new thing.  I don't have time to explain.  (FFR, look up "jiu jitsu.")  I don't have time for much of anything, actually, right now; which is why... Wait, no.  Nevermind!! I DON'T tap out!! I take that back. I can't tap out.   Why???  Because I can NEVER TAP OUT, AS LONG AS I HAVE BREATH, and that is just who I am. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line circa February 15, 1978, I got the idea that (my equivalent of) tapping out is a sign of weakness and that weakness (and, subsequently, any sign of backing down) is my mortal enemy.   A seven nation ARMY couldn't hold me back... You could stand me up at the gates of...(not gonna push it that far)...I WON'T BACK DOWN.  (Like EVER.) I have a question.  Do you think tenacity is more of a na...
Read more