Feel like...well, me.

I don't know about you, but I feel like I have been riding on the struggle bus for long enough now. If I didn't find my stop, I think I might have lost my mind...or something a heck of a lot worse, because 90% of my problems might actually be eliminated if I had. Just sayin'. 

I checked out two books this week at the library. One is a self-help about being resilient to shaming. (Let me tell you something...I may sound rude at times. It took a good and trusted friend to help me see that. However, you will NEVER question where you stand with me, if you spend a little time in my presence. I may be brutal, but I am honest and clear. Because I have been the recipient of this non-verbal high and mighty, bologna some people like to dish out, and in my haughty opinion, THAT IS THE WORST. Just, fyi, people...if you feel it in your heart, it shows in your face and actions. You are not hiding it...especially from the hyper-senstive. So...yeah...just...go ahead and take a step or ten down off that high horse.). The other book is a self-help about how to quit worrying about what other people think. (I mean...I've been working on it for about 43 years, so hopeful not hopeful. And if I quit caring, I might not be as effective with the whole love and empathy thing, but...) 

Anyway...I experienced a few great happies this week: 

1) I heard from my dear old friend...just in time. She laughed at me and told me I was condescending and then lit me on fire with passion and energy, and suddenly it wasn't all work and work and momming and aging and frustration. For a moment...just a moment...I remembered what it was like to be ME. She made me see the joy and the beauty again, "and I think I can make it..." 

2) Dillon had his very first game with his current team. It was terrible. It was ridiculously early, and cold, btw. It was an hour away. I, naturally, got him there 3/4 into the warm-up, so that's always good. (I claim NO responsibility to the travesty. Who plans a ball game at 8 am on any day, let alone my Saturday?!! Ok?!!) It started off ok, but then there was a 5-hour long inning where we just kept getting pummeled. While cursing the wind and trying to rearrange a grotesquely small Pokemon blanket to please cover the little skin of the ankle above the Air Jordans I inadvertently stole off some kid...I was THANKING GOD I had chosen to sit 5 miles off to the side, alone, in right field territory, because the things I was thinking were not very kind, and I tend to be more vocal than I intend. Suffice to say...We lost in a total landslide, and I was just glad it was finally over. And, then, on the car ride home, after my initial comment, "Well, THAT was terrible!" My precious little big man responded, "Yeah...(long pause)...That was so much fun!" I cried inside. (That is...yep...that's what I meant.  That is exactly what I meant.) 

3) I got a new car!! So...I helped Eden get her driver's license this week. I'm still not 100% comfortable with it, but she figured out how to stop in front of the big white line, and the folks up in Richmond said, "You passed." And while I thought that the license was just a formality I persuaded into existence...she has taken a completely different approach. And the whole thing has gotten out of hand. To make a long, painful story much shorter and easier on you...Ya welcome...I'm not exactly the best at sharing. Especially my car. So...I found another killer deal. I didn't get the new Bronco I would have preferred. In the end, my budget-minded conscience wouldn't let me. But I am super happy with my little EcoSport. Same color. Similar car. Just a slight upgrade. And 4wd to help us out in the winter. He is fortunate I am not materialistic and high-maintenance. I am fortunate he is undyingly patient and loyal. It all works out in the end. 

4) I went to Lowe's today. We picked out most of the final touches for the parents' bathroom remodel. I was exhausted, in the end. But I love what we got. And there were a few other things about Lowe's that made me SUPER happy, but that is my TOP SECRET opinion. And I do not EVER wish to offend. 

So...peace, love and goodnight! I am glad to be feeling a little more like me... 

 Ya Homie. (And that means friend. Very literally.  Nothing more. Nothing less.)