Kristen Blog

How do you take it when your enemy wins? When you are down in the count, out of time, and the victor is dancing over your defeat...how do you tend to respond?   I get knocked down, but I get up again.  Ain't NOTHING gonna break MY stride. I have not figured this one out, yet. I am a terrible loser.  True, I have learned to take it better over the years, but there are still certain losses I can NOT tolerate.  What instantly comes to mind is when the victor is particularly insensitive in their celebrations...and I am most sensitive when my child is their victim. However, there are an untold number of situations of my own.   For example: when a lesson doesn't land well; when, a client doesn't seem to click with me; when I am in a group of people, and I feel excluded; when someone admonishes me with snooty silence or non-verbal judgments...; when a friend I thought was close just up and ghosts me.   I am continually heartbroken by every failed relationship I ca...

I can not even begin (nor am I at liberty) to describe ALL of the details that have contributed to making the last couple of weeks feel like a tsunami had hit me.  When I described it to Matt in that way, he said, "Except it wasn't just a tsunami.  You've been hit with a tsunami, an earthquake, a tornado and a hurricane all at once." I find comfort in the day to day joyful routines.  In the midst of trauma, a little happy normal can also satisfy the soul.  My creek...in every season.  💕 Oh the empathy!  (This is why I told my counseling supervisor that my husband is my therapist...and meant it.). He made me feel valid in my emotions.  I mean, I worry about being overdramatic and just feeling sorry for myself, but...to say it's been rough would be a gross and disrespectful understatement to the tragedy we've endured, alone.  Add to it a series of other back to back emergencies and heavy responsibilities, and I'm just grateful I'm still able to sta...

  “Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.”   ―  J. D. Salinger,  The Catcher in the Rye If ever I were to question my choice of career...this would have been the week. As I sat in my little counselor's office at the school, meeting one-by-one with deeply grieving souls in the tiniest of bodies, one child took a sidestep away from the conversation at hand, "So...what are you going to do tonight?" A hollow laugh escaped...

That moment when...you realize you were looking in the wrong spot for every picture. I found myself feeling unusually lazy this week.  I had so little in the way of demands upon me.  It's not something to which I've become accustomed in the last 6 years.  In fact, the last six years have been ALL go with very little room for breathers. Impending burnout or not, I probably would have kept going if August hadn't come in with such a wretched vengeance.  Sometimes, it takes a tsunami to get my attention and force me to redirect. Well, I can say that the agonizing wait for things to fall into line was not fun, but I always trusted in Romans 8:28.  I may have to go through a bit of suffering...dare I say even more than a bit...but, eventually, God will work all those heartaches and defeats into something good. Life may not always look pretty, but...hopefully God's mending is better than mine.  Listen...to my credit... this hat went on our honeymoon with us. ...

I was feeling pretty icky to start the new year.  There is so much holiday from October through December, I tend to end up feeling lazy, over-stuffed, unproductive and completely out of sorts.  It is not a good feeling.  Not at all.   I feel this, properly, represents my mood...especially the t-rex.  How have I never seen these sculptures before?!! Yet...I don't seem to be able to break the cycle, no matter what I try. The crazy weather patterns around here don't help.  We, literally, went from mid-50 degrees to single digits in one day.  Not that I'm complaining about the 50's!!  It just feels as chaotic as the rest of my life, and I will admit: Even I require some level of routine and consistency to cope my way through this confounding life. The free-for-all of the past two weeks has NOT suited me well.  And if you never once, during the break, had to storm through the house in the middle of the night to erupt upon your child,  "SHUT U...