Manhattan for Mother's Day

 Yep...you read that right!

Unfortunately, it is Manhattan, KS, and I am spending the entire Mother's Day weekend alone with my 12yo (sarcastic and often belittling) son.  We'll see how I manage to keep my cool.

The male version mini-me.  It has been a special time, so far...one more day of gaming to go.  💕⚾

I had thought my solo travels a thing of the past, but…once again God and destiny laughed in my face.

Alright then, I have experience with this sort of thing (and losing sleep over missed holidays is so 1999!).  #healthcarewife.  I had my mind set to make it simple and pack light.  Matt thought otherwise. I came into the kitchen to find he had already started gathering items and making a list of essentials, which included: a loaf of bread, a large tub of peanut butter, several cups, a gallon of milk, and an almost full VERY large box of wine.  And that was just the start of his packings for me.  Apparently, he would not be sending THIS wife away on a lone quest empty-handed…or wanting for just about anything fate might require, for that matter.

The fact that I am coddled can not be missed.  💕

At least someone coddles me.  This kid...so private, like her dad.  She, actually, offered to let me come to Prom pictures this year.  But...I could see the truth...it was best for both of us, I sit this one out.  She is a shining jewel.  Look at her! I love these girls!! 💖

And speaking of coddled…it has been brought to my knowledge a few times that I have a tendency to use words uncommon to the popular vocabulary.  I chalk it up to the voracity with which I have devoured the written word.  I LOVE to read!!  Almost anything I can get my hands on.

I have, apparently, passed on the gift for words to my progeny.  See, for example, his latest series, The Indominus Rex:

I’m not sure which part is my favorite.  The captivating first lines???  The part where the T-Rex falls into the creek “lifeless.”  Or the telling comment about the Stegasaurus “which is an herbivore” to calm our fears.  My goodness!  If this kid is producing such works in the second grade…what shall we expect in his future?! (Not that I am biased...but... I, myself, am anxious to read! 💕)

Anyway, it was hard to leave him behind for the weekend.  But, we ultimately deemed it best.  He has been in the care of his very competent sisters, and from what I hear, Dad has been giving him LOTS of movie and play time.  I'm confident he is both happy and well-cared for.

Xander sent me this picture captioned "Breakfast with Evan and Jesse" this morning.  I can never competently convey the pull on my heart when I receive something like this.  My children loving and caring for one another.  Granted, these kids can bicker and whine, but when it all comes down to it...they are a solid unit bound in sisterly and brotherly love.  I can not wish for more in my life than to have been a part of creating such a beautiful thing.

But, speaking of leaving, I have to admit.  I was able to say goodbye to each and every one of these precious people without much display of emotion, but when it came to saying goodbye to Matt...I can't.  I don't.  I won't ever be able.  I have this aching panic and desperation inside, and I cry every time.

Perhaps it is that we have been through so much together.  Perhaps it is that he is my very best friend.  Perhaps it is that he is my anchor, and I am the kids'.  Perhaps it is that he came into my life at a very desperate time and nurtured me to wholeness.  I was a very needy young girl.  He has stood by me through the thickest of pain and despair, and he has ALWAYS put my needs above everything else.  I'm, honestly, still trying to fight the fear that the rug is going to be pulled out from under me.  This is too good to be true.  I don't deserve such treatment.

But...23 (ok...I may get the numbers wrong) years, and he has not, yet, changed.  No matter how many times I put me last, he always puts me first. 💕

For example...I wanted a chainsaw for Mother's Day this year.  Guess what?  Even though he KNOWS it is to trim his beloved tree limbs.  I think he has finally realized...no wait.  After a couple of years of complaining about hitting my head on the lower limbs (he chalked it off to my carelessness, no doubt), he finally hit his!  So...I got my chainsaw.  Haha!  (He made me watch safety videos, and I think the fact that I sent him even better ones explains why he did NOT remove my chainsaw privileges even after I cut a bit of my shoe.  Thank God no injuries to self!)

So...the truth, matter of fact, is that it is always Mother's Day for me.  Every. Single. Day.  I try to describe it, and I know...with all the verbosity and the vocabulary of Webster, I could never completely convey how fortunate I am as a mother and wife.  And there is no other satisfaction I could wish on this earth than to be fully fulfilled in these...my primary roles.

Plus...I got this charming fossil in the form of a 'K' found by my amazing eldest.  Who could, seriously, ask for more in life.  Am I right?  

Give me your crises, your heartbreaks, your insecurities and self doubt.  Give me your traumas.  Give me your judgments and rejection.  As long as I have my core.  I will remain...

Happily, Mama.  Amen.

Addendum

The game was rough.  The boys struggled to keep their heads.  Dillon hurt his arm. Another team showed up and was EXTREMELY rude.  Not the start I’d have hoped for, but that’s life.  I held it together and bit my tongue, excepting one slight comment about the waiting team members’ behavior, as I removed myself from the frustrating situation.  

I thanked a mother who was obviously waiting for the next game and sat respectfully back and out of the way of the current game.

I survived.  And the bonus of losing is we got to come home! I used the drive time to talk my son down off his own ledge of frustration and anger.  And I took the time to stop at the “scenic view” we spotted on the way into Manhattan.  Before long, he was reminiscing and asking about the next tournament.  (He will likely need more support when he realizes I truly intend to make him rest and recover that arm!)

Whatever…we will get through it all and persevere to the end. Happy Mother’s Day my friends…I have thought all day of the ones who are hurting today.  Much love to you all!