Just Another Manic Monday...

Actually, today is one of the lesser of my manic days...but oh, my oh, you guys.  It has been a WHIRLWIND.  I don't even know where to begin.  So, I will just begin with "vacation."    

Couldn't miss the opportunity to visit one of my very few childhood friends!

Of course, we all know there is no vacation for a mom traveling with 6 other people.  So, let’s just refer to it here as our “family trip.” [I find I survive a little better if I go into things with adjusted expectations.  (THAT revelation took awhile!) Had I gone into the whole thing believing I would be “vacationing,” my reactions would have been much more reactive.  As it was, I did not collapse in an adult tantrum at any point in the trip, and I consider that enough to call my performance a success.)

My in-laws blessed us with a WONDERFUL place to stay together…despite the fact that there were 7 of us and 2 of them.  How's that for generosity?  

I, especially, appreciated the time with the family.  As it happens, I chose this mother. 👆

Of course, I have developed an immovable mindset of letting NO debt go unsettled.  (It comes from a multitude of traumas in which I was always feeling "a burden","annoying", "unwanted" and worst of all "not enough").  I have resolved myself to always "earn my keep" (so far as my mind can see it) and never leave any reason behind for anyone to believe I hadn't.  (Turns out that subjective obstacle is REALLY hard to conquer.  We'll put that on the back burner for now.)

We split the 14 1/2 hour drive in two on the way to Gulf Shores, AL.  I am notoriously terrible at picking locations and places to stay.  To my credit...our main goal was to get the larger portion traveled on the first day.  There aren't a lot of options, if you are getting that specific.  And we are.  We are VERY specific.

Olive Branch, MS it is.

Our second set of children...my life is so strange!  But...that suites me, right?  😉

It wasn't exactly encouraging as, five minutes away from our destination, we were passing through some really (in my own professional terminology) sketch parts of town.  It was even less encouraging when I went to check in and the greeting sign said something about "due to fraudulent activity in the area..."

I pushed all discomforting thoughts out of my mind.  There was really no going back, at this point anyway.  

And it turned out just fine. In fact, I had my most profound, fulfilling and impactful moment right there at the Olive Branch Hampton Inn and Suites.

After some frustrating difficulties in getting settled, I decided to go swimming with Matt and the boys.  (An event I would typically pass in exchange for quiet time with this set of kids.)

As I entered the pool, my spidey-senses took over evaluating the large young man, alone in the pool, and the other young man sitting nearby.

Matt spoke.  Neither answered.  I began to pick up on the diagnosis.  

The boy in the pool started stimming and randomly shouting out, and I verified the situation immediately.  Everyone else would be completely uncomfortable, but I led Evan right into the water without hesitation.

  

I may not fit your standards, your rules and your expectations.  My heart aches when I fail you.  And I know when I do.  But oh when I can step back and focus on the positives of being me!  I am treasured because my gifts are rare...

I worked on helping Evan improve his swimming (it seems I grew up in the pool!), while trying to engage with "Chance."  Chance and I quickly developed a little relationship.  Chance would shout out and occasionally splash.  I did my best to protect Evan and give the message that it was only ok to splash me.  Chance would get a reprimand from the peanut gallery every time (and I noticed his sitters took turns).  Rightly so, since most people would not understand Chance at all.  (That's why I loved him so much and why it was so important that I do everything I could to show him what it was like to have a positive experience with strangers.)

When he would splash me, I would squeal and giggle, "ooh!  splash!"  I made a point to address him directly.  I know this is important, despite the fact that he would not verbally responded.  I benefited.  He began to make eye contact (though briefly) and engaged with me a bit.  I floated.  He floated.  He grew more comfortable and learned my rules (of being very careful with Evan...he was a really big kid!), and he got to enjoy splashing and mirroring me.

It was the sweetest experience and so rewarding.  Another mom and son even confidently joined our group.  I know that it was important for Chance, and I feel honored that I had the chance to engage him (pun definitely intended) and provide such a positive, loving and kind experience.  I might go as far to say it was the best moment of the entire vacation for me, and probably because this is where I KNOW I shine. 💕

...as are the things I hold dear.

As we were leaving, I said "Bye, Chance!"  

He spoke, and I know what I heard...something most people would miss as gibberish... a little echo of the phrase I spoke, "BAAHH!"

You can never pay me what this moment is worth in my tender, delicate, unrelenting heart.  

What else is there to say, really???

We completed the drive the next day with a brief stop at Matt's brother's home - to see the people responsible for our visit!

Evan and (mostly) I appreciated the Star Wars digital pinball machine.  I mean, I did get on the board my first try.  (We won't talk about the rest of my attempts.)

But we were ALL so relieved to finally make it to our destination.  (We finally got tot see the beach!) It was a long haul, and especially so with two car loads of people in tow.

All I can say is...you guys...I have to stop now.  I didn't get halfway through what I wanted to say, but life. This is my life now.  A continual pause...redirect....repeat.

I had full intentions to finish this.  It was so important to me.  But...we get what we get.  And I will TRY to continue and be grateful for what we got.  Because I NEEDED this today.  Thank you for "listening."

I sincerely hope it is well with your soul, and I hope today was one of your best!

The most beautiful sunset on the worst of days.  Poignant, don't you think?

Until...

Just me 💕