Cruel Summer
How've you been, my friends? Feeling a little lonely/isolated over here (typical for people like me...who have need for relationship but find relationship devastatingly exhausting), so I decided it was time for a post.
 |
| It's the deodorant I'm using. Everybody loves it!! |
I've been kicking it in high gear trying to get ready for "back to school". It sneaks up on me EVERY year!! And, oh, I am learning so much about myself, as I settle in to my new(er) career. (BTW...I have started the process for full licensure, and I am currently accepting prayers. 🙏 The Missouri licensure process is a bit of an impossible escape room...too many riddles and not enough clues...and, to be honest, I'm surprised I've managed to make it this far!)
I am realizing how deep is my discomfort with saying no. I am realizing how much I suppress my own needs for the "common" good. And I am realizing that this combination is the main source of anxiety and discomfort in my life, which ultimately leads to my own personal breakdown. I have a big cookie jar, but even mine has its limit.
 |
| It's OUT OF CONTROL!!! |
So...I am weeding the garden. Literally and figuratively. One of the things I HAVE to let go of is the need to do EVERYTHING completely and naturally. (Please keep in mind that whatever you imagine as I say these words is about 10,000 times what you envisioned.) So, with school coming on fast (and an increase in driving and work load), I am pulling weeds, tomatoes, and anything else that needs maintenance in the garden (except the grapes!!) in order to cut down my household responsibilities. (I am also trimming trees that have needed trimming for about 10 years, but that is a topic for another day.). For the most part, I am going to feed the garden, cover the garden and put the garden to rest until spring. That, alone, is a HUGE check off my daily responsibilities.
 |
| Turns out, I am also popular with the local wildlife... Found this guy on my shoulder. |
I am also trying to get a handle on my home order and organization. I am working to set aside my scarcity mindset.
Somewhere along the way (or maybe its the little bit of Native American in my blood) I've picked up this mindset that I have to keep everything, use every bit, waste little and consume even less. I have to let go the thought that I have to save the world. (I blame that on all the shaming documentaries. What the &@!! am I supposed to do about the ocean? I reduced and repurposed plastic bags...I made my own reusable everything...and I cut every potential hazard out of every single plastic six-pack can holders? (HOW MANY TURTLES WILL DIE ON MY WATCH? NONE. NO TURTLES WILL DIE ON MY WATCH. -I actually say that as I'm cutting them.)
 |
| And speaking of turtles, I saved this tiny guy (palm of my hand sized) trying to cross the vast expanse that is our local dog park. (I promise you I am putting in more effort than you realize or see or will probably ever acknowledge!!) |
But I'm starting to think the people that are preaching, probably aren't doing a quarter of what I do each day. So, just SHUT UP! I've had it. You want to make a global change? Convince the guys with the money b and the power, and leave these little over-achieving housewives alone. I AM DOING ENOUGH, and I am probably the only one listening (ask my third grade teacher). (And fyi...I can see the plastic in your face.)]
Ok. I'm done. (But maybe not.)
 |
| Just...focusing on the people that "get me" and the people I "get." It's an interesting bunch, I can assure you. 💕 |
Well, anyway, I'm laying it all down. I am getting rid of things. I am minimizing. And I am letting myself create in ways I have never been so bold to create. (Ms. 8th Grade Art Teacher - Actually, you were RIGHT! Thank you for seeing creativity in me back then. I'm sorry I was in a HORRIBLE place and could not receive your encouragement then.)
 |
| Ok...here, I AM trying to brag, because I beat the score my son got while shooting WITH his buddy. Pop-a-shot QUEEN!! |
I am extremely competent, my friends. I'm not trying to be arrogant. It's just a fact that I have discovered. I can pretty much do anything you ask me (except be careful...and numbers. Don't ask me to slow down and be careful, and please back off if I am dealing with numbers! Also, I can't do large quantities of or large amounts of time with people. Oh...and sitting still is also hard for me...shall I go on?)
The fact of the matter is I am FINALLY realizing (shout out to Jennifer Agee) that just because I CAN it doesn't mean I SHOULD.
 |
| Long eyelids to myself, care of me. (Also...proof that I was "cool" once. These were not only corduroy overalls...they were Doc Marten corduroy overalls. I still wore them while I was pregnant with the child who would LOVE to have them now. Alas, I wore them into the ground. Because they were my style - worn.) |
So...be warned. My weed whacker is set to ON. Please don't take it personally. I am just trying to make room to more effectively serve the people God has called me to serve, because (as it turns out) I am NOT God. I am much more limited in my capacities. (In the words of my old friend, Joe: "Sucks don't it?" Yes, Joe. Yes, it does.) ...Oh, to humble myself to the confinements of my own humanity!!
 |
| Proof also, that I WAS NOT cool once (or proof that my mother was cruel)...oh this was a TERRIBLE year for me!! The tide was DEFINITELY NOT high. (Fyi, I had a dream, no nightmare! recently - after seeing this picture - that I accidentally got this perm again. RIP 5th grade.) |
But I miss my grandma's house!! 😭😭😭. (FYI…that’s where this picture was taken.) And I drove past it when I had a hard day, the other day, and the fact that it was still the same colors broke me. I can't. Kristen doesn't get over things. Kristen puts them in her cookie jar for another day. 💔
Comments
Post a Comment