Kristen Doesn't-Go-Lightly. Amen.

Hi, it's me.  It's Kristen - the (wo) man, the myth the "enigma"???  I'll take that as a compliment and move on.  

But can you PLEASE hold on a minute while I just "tap out".  It's a new thing.  I don't have time to explain.  (FFR, look up "jiu jitsu.")  I don't have time for much of anything, actually, right now; which is why...

Wait, no.  Nevermind!! I DON'T tap out!! I take that back. I can't tap out.  

Why???  Because I can NEVER TAP OUT, AS LONG AS I HAVE BREATH, and that is just who I am.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the line circa February 15, 1978, I got the idea that (my equivalent of) tapping out is a sign of weakness and that weakness (and, subsequently, any sign of backing down) is my mortal enemy.  

A seven nation ARMY couldn't hold me back...

You could stand me up at the gates of...(not gonna push it that far)...I WON'T BACK DOWN.  (Like EVER.)

I have a question.  Do you think tenacity is more of a nature or nurture kind of trait???

You GUYSSSSSSS...Could somebody, please, send in the reinforcements?!  I think I'm about to blow (my last breath).

Ok.  I MAY be overstating a bit, but just between you and me - I'm probably not, and you'd best not give me any sign that you think I am, should you catch me off-guard in the wild.  (*Spoiler alert - I am hypersensitive to non-verbal cues, and I have a tendency to read human emotions...sometimes, even, thoughts and intentions.  Of course, that last part could just be my own paranoia, so that's a fun twist we get to deal with!)

ANYWAY...psychoanalyze THAT, my friends.  (insert villainous laugh)

Things are getting a little iniquitous over here, as far as I am concerned, (and I may be losing it...) but I feel like I'm speaking to noise-cancellation-airpod plugged ears.  (Deep, Deep, Heavy, Burden-ladened SIGH.  Followed by another one from Jesse.   Yes, he literally copies my sighs. )

 

Anyway, again...

By now, I guess you've heard the BIG news.  It was like an angel came directly from heaven above, on behalf of little old me and said, "Kristen.  I'm going to give you this personally, hand-delivered, noble (finally admitting I will never really win the other) prize. Here, my dear and precious child, is something I saved up Just. For. You!!

Chopin’s Secret waltz.  It was supposed to be just between us, but...

You GUYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSS!  I have a new song from...my...he's just...my...he is...Killing me Softly with his song.  Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you, Fred!!  And thanks to the idiot who misplaced that little gem, because I needed a one-of-a-kind, impossible find this week (debatably) more than I have ever needed it in my whole 46 years (and some days and hours and minutes...I'm sorry - I hate math.) of life.

But I bet you didn't know the OTHER really BIG news.

I found a new best friend!!  She is 14 (fitting, I think)  and she understands me and McGregor (if you don't know, I question your loyalty).  And nothing can EVER separate us from being best friends ever again in my life.  (P.S. I don’t think I am HER best friend, per se…but I never let that stop me before!)

I am not your typical counselor.  I’m not your typical anything…

Fortunately for all of us, my true best friend has gotten used to this excitingly chaotic life, and he doesn't appear to be going anywhere anytime soon.  Safety assured.  ✔️ Money back guarantee.

Ok.  Ok....So, apparently there has been some other big news, which has caused a HUGE stir (as it does...every 4 years, where I live).  Just so you know, I voted to just be kind and love people, no matter how hard that can, sometimes, be.  

Yes, I did my part.  Yes, I made my choice.

And NOW I resume my (much preferred) Swiss pose.  So, hopefully, you can all love me back.  (But if you want to judge, I'm afraid you will have to get in line...)

After all, I don't need anyone to be any harder on me than I already am.  And since we are on this topic, I have noticed something lately: I tend to be harder on myself, sometimes, when my intent is good than I am  when my intent is of lesser quality.  Isn't that weird?  Am I the only one?

For example, I can walk away from a conversation, in which I have desperately tried to make someone feel loved and respected, and as I manically replay the conversation in my head (FYI...it's called "overthinking" or "intrusive thinking" and the remedy is "thought shifting" et al.) I snag on about a million things I said or did that could have been misinterpreted.  

Subsequently, I tend to panic, beat myself into a total meltdown until my real best friend comes home and removes said earbuds (I'm kidding!! Calm down.  That'll be a quarter, just watch.) and lets me vent between sobs.  After that, I am usually back to bouncing on the trampoline.  

Well, after I take a 2 hour nap, because emotional responses are EXHAUSTING...are you WITH me?!!

On the other hand, I have noticed that when I am really p.o.'d (excuse the reference) at someone, and it tends to be big, rude, aggressive men (did we establish that, yet?)...I will condone all SORTS of behaviors I would never allow in my practice.  ("OR...you could have said...")

Honestly, I'm still a work in progress.  However, I am learning the TRUTH behind the statement "a gentle answer turns away wrath."  Even if I feel justified in my behavior, I never inspire the change I seek by being an @$$&()!*...ever.

As it turns out, I have made quite a bit of change with a humble, empathetic, listening ear and a few gentle (it was your idea, really) suggestions.  Now, how do you like TH (I can't) OSE apples?!!

It doesn’t make any sense.  It's certainly not what comes naturally for yours truly, but I can definitely attest in the effectiveness of going against my nature and choosing the age-old wisdom.  🤷‍♀️  You try your own way and learn your own lessons, I adjure you, but maybe humbly, quietly, in secret, give an ounce of consideration to my appeal.

You know I will love you, regardless.  Forever and ever, Amen.

I hope you have a good week ahead!  It is never-ending November for me, and I will just continue to do my best through birthday/holiday season, fighting the water to keep my head afloat (and you'd better know who's gonna win!). 

Sincerely, 

P.S.

Dear Fred, 

With love, Kristen Doesn't-Go-Lightly