It's 10 O'Clock Somewhere

I was just out there trying to get my life back to normal...AGAIN (it's a frequent occurrence)...but my heart wasn't in it.  I saw a couple of kids get out of the car in front of mine, but the mom wasn’t budging.  My interest piqued, until I saw the principal come around to the other side guiding a preschooler who was OBVIOUSLY ALSO NOT feeling it that day.  I thought to myself, "I hear ya kid."  

This is why I am a counselor.  I FEEL your FEELS.  Seriously.   I do. 

Jesse feels them, too.

So, I asked for a sunny sabbatical, right?  I got as far as the planning phase, and then…

"The weakness of his soul was in relying upon itself instead of trusting in you." -St. Augustine, Confessions [R.S. Pine-Coffin, 1961; p 122]

I got snowed into the comforts of my own home with several days of sunshine to follow.  Who could have seen THAT coming??  I sat in a comfy chair in my dining room window for 3 days straight and soaked in every last bit.

This is grace.  Maybe I don't HATE Kansas City so much, after all…I do tend to prefer a little variety every few months…

 

Le donna è mobile!

“How can one soul contain within itself feelings so much at variance, in such conflict with each other?...  Man is a great mystery, Lord.”  (Augustine, 84)

It's a good thing fickle is also flexible, am I right??

But speaking of fickle, I think I have FINALLY figured out the secret recipe to impulse control.  (Go ahead - bottle it up and sell it.  No need for thievery in a world of generosity!)


1)   Think of something you want to do.  

For example, this morning, I woke up thinking of my antique weaving loom.  Remember that one? Somewhere between February of last year and now, we dropped the ball on completely prepping that thing for use.  So, this morning, I thought to myself, “I’m going to go finish this thing I started.”


2). Think about all the effort and resources it will take to complete the idea.  

This is the part I tend to neglect.  Fortunately for me, I have been working on improving in this specific area, and today I proved to be successful.  I thought of all those nitty-gritty, the-storage-room-is-packed-around-it-again details…

They don’t NOT call me street smart for nothing!! But even I can see this is a BAD idea!  No.  Just...no.

3) Next (and this one takes some forethought).  Add the weight of all the effort plus the weight of any potential consequences and subtract from that the weight of the potential reward.  

4) Make up your mind.  Above zero - go for it.  Below zero - I’m not saying “No,” let’s just put it on the back burner for a day or two.  

It’s an easy as math.  We can ALL do a little math, right?  You know I can.  😉.  

At least, I am learning.  For example, after 9 million hours of cleaning out the storage room just to have the rest of these people continually fill it up with junk again, I have finally determined…I ain’t wasting no more tiiiiiiime!  The loom project can wait for (they’re not gonna be here all that much longer, anyway).

You GUUUUUYYYYYYYSSSS!!!  It turns out there ARE things that are gonna break my stride, after all.  

Like this crazy blank dental implant process that keeps kicking my (shhhhh!…never shush me)!!!  As always, I promise...with every pain in life there tends to (eventually) come reward.  Look at this killer image they took of me, for example.  Matt said he wants the 3D model, so…he just REALLY loves me to the core.

Speaking of battles…I’m starting to feel like no one EVER takes me seriously anymore!!  (Imagine my extremely pouty face.)  

Take our car ride home, the other day, for example.  (You should hear Evan’s narrated interpretation!)  

I was driving…and you KNOW I’m a good driver, right???  Perhaps (MAYBE!) I was SLIGHTLY distracted by the most adorable news-bomb my 11yo had just dropped in my lap (I’m just saying this: 5th grade “mixer.”  I can’t.  You guys, I just…I can NOT!!). 

I’m on my very own (and very trustworthy) Kristen driver auto-pilot (in the left lane, naturally, because that one tends to be the fastest), but the guy in front of me is OBVIOUSLY not on par with me, because he is swerving over and back, back and over, across the middle line.  (Amateur!)

It became immediately clear I HAD to escape from THAT impending hazard ASAP, and the best way I know to do that is press that vertical pedal that makes my car go faster all the way to the floor.

Is it MY fault the right lane was wide open?!!  Would you NOT, in the same situation take advantage of the opportunity to rid yourself and your child of such dangerous road conditions by taking the presented opportunity to get the heck around crazy driver, even if it meant passing on the right?!!

But can you even really judge my lighting-fast, NEARLY AUTOMATIC reaction when said driver, began to pursue my license plate?!!  I’ve told you I am working on establishing healthy boundaries.  And you KNOW how I feel about birds! Who am I to deny them, if the little guys happen to be flying around in my front seat??  Fly free, little birdies.  Fly free!! (God, forgive me.) 

Ah well…all I know is that, as Evan likes to recount, so I must have said aloud: “Oh you want to play?!!”  Because for me, it was GAME ON.  Dude, you had me at license plate.  I’ve said it once, I will say it again, this aggression will not stand!

I do still, occasionally, miss the game.

So, naturally when he tried to pass me, I used the car in front of him to box him out.  (You can take the girl out of basketball, but you can’t take the basketball out of the girl.  Do you copy?) That said, I soon decided to, generously, let him in ahead of me.  (I like to read plates sometimes, too.)  I noticed he kept glancing at me in his side view…so I was all evil eyes locked in on his, and that’s when the predator became prey.  

Of course, I couldn’t think far enough ahead to play out any rational scenarios for how this situation was going to end. (FYI…when you are in “reactive” mode, your brain tends to lose it’s ability for controlled reason. Please refer back to my new recipe above).  In this particular moment, I was all reaction and timing - move for move, play for play - dedicated to victory…until…

You guys…this guy threw me the most fatal blow he could muster.  He crossed 4 lanes and bolted up the exit, and as I was blowing these dramatic, snarky kisses in his direction, I looked over to find him laughing and waving a genuinely, friendly goodbye.

If only, in parting, I could have answered my most bitter dilemma…Was it the high ponytail or the fuzzy sweater?  Maybe it was just my kid in the back seat??  “What is so $&@- funny?!!”

Regardless, though we may have parted on good terms in that guy’s esteem, I was screaming loudly in my own head, “I said I’M the predator!!”

I hope I screamed it loudly enough that he heard.  I’m still working on the whole telepathy thing.

Alas, I will never know, and I had no choice but to let bygones be gone, as I returned my eyes to the hazards of the highway and chose the right lane this time…by that point, I was already halfway there.

And speaking of predators, I can NOT make this stuff up, my friends!  Unless, God is the Master of coincidence…

Purple...spotted...roadrunner.  Fitting, don't you think?!  

And speaking of masterful coincidence…I just happened to look out my window yesterday at the exact same time a bald eagle flew right past.

He was so close!!  And after all the time we've been looking and hiking, this one flew right by me without even an effort on my part.  Now, THAT is a blessing.   (You KNOW how I LOVE my birds.)