Conspiracy Theory

Well, folks.  I think I have just barely managed to get my head above water.  

Fun Saturday Night celebrating this little mini-me on the pickle ball court with my boys.  @Chicken N PickleKC

It's a busy time.  A busy time.  If you are out there struggling, I can assure that you are not alone.  I am full (in my office, my heart, and my mind) with many others who could identify.

So...with all of my "free" time, I am currently reconsidering my new native wildflower garden plans (because I ordered $30 seeds, and I didn't even ask first!!...and guess what...I'm not in trouble!! *see kayak situation below) around whether or not I am “setting up” the butterflies to be hit by cars.  We can NOT have that, now can we?

It takes a special kind of person to carry around this mega-intense amount of love, empathy and compassion.  For example, I apologized to a plant at the garden center today for not picking it.  I realize this is weird, but you don't know what it's like to be me.  Apologizing in my heart, Matt waiting quietly with an air of somber patience, as we (me and the plant) held each other for a moment - that is what my heart needed.  And let's face it, it’s best not to hold me back…that doesn’t end up well from anyone's perspective..

The original Knights of Kristen.

Also, it may have been my way of recovering from an awkward, passive aggressive encounter between a couple of dudes that we were forced to witness.  It's really nice out here in KC, and I'm telling you, that garden center was packed.  (I TOLD Matt we should go for the happy little mom and pops!) And some of those people did not go to church today, and it SHOWS.

Matt said they could use my services, and I said I am officially off the clock.  So, I told some random lady she was precious to me, which I can’t explain because, at that moment,  it just seems like the right thing to do, and sometimes (especially when you are me) you just have to go with what you feel in the moment…within the bounds, of course.  Talk now, apologize later.  *This message has been approved by Matt O'Hara. 

"Love is too oft like a glowworm, showing but little light except it be in the midst of surrounding darkness.  Hope itself is like a star - not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.  Afflictions are often the black folds in which God doth set the jewels of His children's graces, to make them shine the better."  Streams in the Desert L. B. Cowman; Charles Spurgeon (117)

And speaking of Matt, you know how he is usually my biggest supporter?  Well...in my most desolate state this week, he took me to one of my favorite places for some retail therapy. (It was the kind of day where I just knew I needed an escort, and I was too fragile for any of my typical bizarre solo encounters). So, I let my heart flow freely, without caution, as I walked around DSG, and that's when God (or fate??) led me to the answer to ALL of my problems.  It was a $20 blow up kayak with (obviously-adjustable-because-they-fit-in-the-little-box) oars.  And do you know what he said?   

YOU GUYS...HE SAID NO!  

But I had a $10 coupon!!

I stood there for a moment, pondering my angles to argue...with a lovely vision of myself - alone in my little boat in the middle of Smithville Lake - adventuring, taking photos for the blog and all my friends, maybe even fishing...

But it's only $10...what harm could it do????

I will admit that, slowly, the vision changed a bit when I began to wonder what would happen if I were to spring (or "hook" myself into) a leak.  As I was mentally attempting to use a handy dandy patch kit (I'd have to buy soon) while sinking in the middle of the lake, I cooly placed my hand on my chin and started looking around - as if I were just pondering all my options. Never let them see you sweat!  

And since, I knew he would just follow me, because that was totally his job right then, I slowly stalked the aisles until I landed on 

THE REAL DEAL!

I officially made "dandelion flowers" status with the neighbor kids, and my heart couldn't be MORE full.  

Right around the corner from my initial dreams, I found my SURE THING.  Secure, SOLID plastic, in an ADORABLE turquoise - reasonably priced at $200, small enough to throw in the Escape and well... 

(It's hard to be spontaneous around here when I have to rely on Matt to secure something to my car before I can elope with adventure.)

...You know, you would think, after 25 years, he would understand how much that "No" look hurts me (pouty face, arms crossed!!).  It's to the core, Matt... It's to. The. Core.  (Shhh!  That's why I bought the seeds.  My secret little rebellion...). 

I have already given up so much this month.  Every little baby goat that passed through Feldman's.  The mini-highland cows.  Even, this week, baby sheep who sucked (and nibbled) on my fingers! Granted the sheep were already sold, but could I NOT have found more to finally complete my Family Fiber Farm dream?!!!  I even found a house on realtor.com...WITH ACREAGE...and not far from here, because God knows I am NEVER escaping Liberty.  (And if you don't get the irony here, y'all definitely need to ponder.)

How many times can I steal from Facebook before I am questioned???

Do you understand how self-sacrificing I have been?  Please pray for me!! 

And also, if you are interested in taking action to support my cause, I thought we could all start badgering Matt on the kayak thing until he caves.  Maybe we could organize a survey monkey???  A petition on change.org?  Or we could all just spam him with text and calls until he says I can buy it???  What do you think?  Drop your comments.  Smash that "like" button.  If I get a million subscribers, he surely has to say yes, am I right?  

Please, tell me you are for me and not against me... 

**also, he already knows all of this, so none of you are going to be getting in trouble, either.  (I don’t think there is a pinky swear emoji, but...) I got your back.  😉

Actual footage of me with every kid I've ever met...and sometimes random adults, too.

Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  -Matthew 17:20-21

And actually, I already got him to admit this weekend that I have a better chance with the kayak than an electric bike.  (Always offer something MUCH worse after you are denied a request.  Then, circle back to your initial appeal.  It makes it look so much better, and all the asking might help wear them down...ffr - for future reference.)

...so I'm not firing him.

Sorry, Matt...tickle, tickle, tickle.

...yet.  😬😙

"God trains His soldiers, not in tents of ease and luxury, but by turning them out and using them to forced marches and hard service.  He makes them ford through streams, and swim through rivers and climb mountains, and walk many a weary mile with heavy knapsacks on their backs."

Streams in the Desert L. B. Cowman; Charles Spurgeon (117)

So, basically, I am just God’s tool for Matt’s training. 💕

God's little wayward lamb.  I’d leave the 99 for this one!

In summary, now that I've got my head just barely above water, I've decided it's time to go nearly drown myself in a kayak.  FFR, I know I don't always tend to make any sense.  But that's just part of what makes me special.  🌤

And you know what…everything IS going to be ok here in Kristen world.  Me and God, we are going to make it ALL GOOD, because MY Papa - He is going to work it all out for me since I love Him and am called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Also...

Did I ever tell you that spring is my favorite?!!!

💕 Me.  It's always just me.